ABCs of a Sizzler Christmas

hA is for always….no, make that never assume you’ve got your Sizzler all figured out. If you do, God will smile wide and send you tomorrow.

B is for Blast off, words to be feared in any season, and usually followed by a frightening thud, clunk or shattering sound.  For more details, see letter I.

C is for change which should be embraced. Nothing will ever be consistent with your Sizzler, even more so during the hectic holiday season.  Constant change will be your steadfast companion for years to come. Hug it now. Make friends. Buy it candy.

D is for don’t.  Don’t call any friend who has yet to bear children if you. . . . . .are discouraged by your Sizzler’s behaviors. Instead, call the local juvenile hall delinquency center and ask them for a run down on their toughest case.  There’s a two out of three chance that their story will be worse than yours.

E is for Expectations…expectations of how your child should be, which may very well be killing your ability to enjoy how they are.  Release them…your expectations that is.  Keep the child. And start enjoying the life and energy that is already there.

F is for fishsticks…one in each hand is a balanced meal.  Sometimes just getting them fed is enough.  Frankly, I’m looking into replacing my fridge with vending machines (or for my fellow Star Trek friends–a replicator).

G is for glass ornaments, which should be put in storage until about the year 2041.  Stick with plastic, styrofoam, or felt for the first 18 years of your Sizzler’s life.  Your collection of Q-tip ornaments will be admired and cherished for future generations.

H is for Hope.  As long as they’re breathing, all good things are possible.

I is for icicles which should be policed as prudently and tenaciously as you would any dangerous projectile.  This includes knives, darts, canned food and smaller siblings.

J is for joy. Joy in this season of life that brings as many laughs as it does challenges.  Laugh whenever you can squeeze out the tiniest chuckle. It will feed your soul. It will heal your Sizzler. It de-stresses many, many situations that could become volatile.

K is for keepsake. As in a Keeper…those things presented to you by your sizzler which represent his heart.  If you don’t have one yet, start a Mommy-Love file and file away each precious offering.  This file is one of my favorite places to go when I need a pick-me-up.

L is for lubricant, as in any slippery substance useful for removing Sizzlers from situation into which they have thrust themselves, such as abandoned campground chimneys (true story), laundry chutes (true story), finger stuck in toy gun (true story) and behind drywall of new construction. (Not true, but with three good ones on my side, I thought I’d go for it.)

M is for miracles which do indeed still happen.  Sizzlers grow up.  They cease climbing on furniture.  They hold down worthwhile jobs.  And if the angels truly smile on you, one day….they thank you for all you did in getting them to adulthood.

N as in nepheligenousa word perhaps unfamiliar to you, but a concept known well by all lovers of Sizzlers.  Its meaning?  Producing clouds of smoke, as in: I saw the countless streams of candle wax on the walls and the scorch mark on the ceiling and knew in an instant that my nepheligenous Sizzler had been at work.

O is for Open Minded as in be open minded to the professionals who address the highly distractible child.  But while keeping an open mind, listen good and hard to your own gut.  Your love for this child is profound and has a compass all its own.

P is for Pestering Siblings for Profit,
Water & Electricity: A Shocking Good Time or

                               101 Uses for the Household Pet
Just a few of the many childrens’ books your Sizzler should never read.

Q is for Quibble, make that quarrel, cross swords, question, criticize.  Yes, that favorite sport of Sizzlers…arguing!  They don’t do it because they necessarily care about being right. They just love the energy of the argument.  Don’t fall for it.  Don’t take the bait. Step back. Pick fights…er, um…controversies very carefully. Very few arguments matter nearly as much as your Sizzler makes them seem.

R as in regular, typical, and customary. As in the traditional family with compliant, calm, easy going children. Sadly, these ordinary families weren’t permitted any Sizzlers. God just didn’t trust them with his most sparkling gems.

Second chances. It’s not just for Sizzlers. It’s the oxygen in a loving, long term relationship. Use it generously

Time for yourself, the caretaker of the Sizzling family, is essential.  For me that means breakfast out with a girlfriend.  Or a walk in the woods all by myself.  Put it on the calendar.  Even if that means it won’t happen until after New Year’s, put it down anyway.  Just knowing that there is a moment coming, just for you, may allow you the mental margin to be more there during the here and now.

U is for understanding…understanding the missteps and mistakes of others.  We so often wish for grace from others when our child has blurted out a poorly chosen word or dashed out of a room so fast he knocked Mrs. Cravitz to the ground. For this season, share some of that grace with someone who needs it.  You’ve been there.  You know what it’s like to have others give you a disapproving look. There’s a reason why PASS is in compassion.  Pass some along today.

Value this child.  God has plans for all this energy, this rapid thought, this out-of-the-box perspective on life.  Not only can wonderful things come of such a child, we as parents will grow in ways that are valuable to us as well.

W as in white, the color of snow.  Remember that color?  The color that your walls,  towels and the area around door knobs used to be?

X Why is X even included in these things?  Unless I can figure out a Sizzler-connection for xenophobia, I’m stumped. Okay, maybe I’ll breakdown and use the overused x-ray, only because it’s helpful in determining if your Sizzler has swallowed a lego, a key, or a gerbil.

Y as in you’re not a bad mother. You’re not a bad mother. You’re not a bad mother.
If you were, all of your children would be presenting the exact same challenges.  I met a mom several years ago who had 11 (count them…E-L-E-V-E-N) children who were all lovely, compliant, smart, articulate and obedient.  She had good reason to believe it was her parenting.  Frankly, if I’d had 11 great children, I’d be unbearable. She regularly pronounced judgment and descending condemnation over the parenting of others with those unruly, poorly disciplined children.  And God laaaaaaaughed…..and sent her just one more.  Number 12 was…you guessed it…a Sizzler with a capital ssssss. Tee hee HEE!  She tracked me down to first of all apologize to all of us in the world to whom she had been so harsh and judgmental, and second of all, to find out what to do. She didn’t have a clue.  Oooohh.  God is so good.

Z as in Zzzziss , the oft neglected prefix that starts most laundry questions posed by a Sizzler.
Zzziss cherry sauce gonna come out of my shirt?  Zzziss motor oil gonna leave a bad stain on your curtains?  Big Sigh…Zzziss child ever gonna be clean for more than an hour?

Zzzzisss the end?  Yep.
Merry Christmas.  Happy Holidays.

From your friends at Sizzle Bop!


2 Responses to “ABCs of a Sizzler Christmas”

  1. ReGi McClain Says:

    I wish I could “like” this more than once! That mom of eleven? Fantastic! Probably the most encouraging letter of the alphabet. I might start buying wooden Y’s to decorate my home. =0)

  2. Tyna Says:

    What a fantastic alphabet! Love it!

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